"Every night in my dreams, I see you, I feel you…"
Cut to a wide shot of the open ocean. Titanic is visible in the distance. Fade to black.
Elegant white letters on a black screen: "She was the greatest ship ever built."
"Far across the distance and the spaces between us..."
Cut back to the ocean. Titanic is closer now. Fade to black
White letters, black screen: "She was the queen of the ocean."
"You have come to show you go on..."
Cut to ocean. Titanic is super-close. Fade to black.
White letters, black screen: "She was majestic."
"Near...far...wherever you are..."
Cut to ocean. Titanic is so close, we can now see passengers on deck. Fade to black.
White letters, black screen: "She was romance."
"Once more, you open the door..."
Cut to Titanic. A long, sweeping camera shot takes us to the bow of the ship, where Leonardo DiCaprio & Kate Winslet are doing that "King of the World" thing: Rose is standing tippy-toed on the railing, her arms outstretched. The music reaches a crescendo. "And you're in my heart, and my heart will go on and on..."
White Letters, black screen. "And she was absolutely unsinkable" -
Fast cut to Leslie Neilson, playing the captain.
He cups his mouth and screams, "ICEBERG!"
Cut to ocean. A long-shot shows the ship slamming into an iceberg with the force of a car hitting a wall.
Cut to Jack & Rose: The impact sends Rose tumbling over the railing - ungracefully - into the ocean. SPLASH.
Celine Dion stops dead. Fast cut to different music: The Love Boat theme song:
"Love! Exciting and new…"
After that, you can use your imagination: Rosanne Barr playing the Kathy Bates character. Richard Simmons giving an exercise class on the poop deck. A "May/September" romance between Jack & Rose, starring Nolan Gould and Jennifer Carpenter. Love Boat's Doc, Gopher, and Isaac Washington as themselves. Charo. Florence Henderson. The Harlem Globetrotters. Maggie Smith...
When the ship finally breaks in half, you'll laugh all the way to the bottom of the ocean!