My renter had used Facebook to tell the world that he intended to kill himself...then took a bunch of pills, drank a lot of vodka, and aimed his car into the sunset, where he made it a few miles before passing out somewhere. I don't know what happened next, but I've been told that he was found, triaged, and hospitalized for almost three weeks. I was also informed that he was placed on a waiting list for a 28-day program - which, sadly, never came to be.
As a drunk with his share of alcohol-fueled stupidity, I can forgive...a lot.
But as suicidal thoughts are common with my depression, I simply can't forgive anyone who who doesn't understand their gravity - and knowingly uses sadness as a tool to manipulate. So, with that in mind, I placed a Craigslist ad for a renter to replace Mr. Crazy-Cuckoo-Bananapants. If you've followed this blog so far, you've no doubt gotten a glimpse into the type of guy I am…and more importantly, into the HUMOR I use to get through daily life.
That being said, here is someone's response to my CL ad:
My name is Mr. Potential Renter, and I am very interested in the possibility of renting a room from you. I recently graduated from XXXXXXX University, and am in the process of applying to medical school. I work full time at a mental health clinic and detox facility as a research coordinator.
I would consider myself a very open person, I respect each individuals needs and personal views. Now, because you addressed the fact that you are openly gay I feel it is only right to say that I am a heterosexual male. I grew up in a household with a gay brother whom I love unconditionally which has helped in my more open and accepting approach to individuals that hail from all walks of life.
If you think that I might be a good fit or have any questions, please do not hesitate to email/ call me any time.
Mr. Potential Renter.
(Chuckling.) And here was MY response:
Hello Mr. Potential Renter,
Thanks for the thoughtful, concise response to my ad.
So, here's a funny story...
I normally don't offer this information to potential renters, but considering the contents of your message, I'm making an exception. As tempting as it is to rent to a mental health/addiction professional, unless you're planning on writing a reality-based sitcom pilot, mine probably isn't a good house for you.
I'm a recovering alcoholic, diagnosed with schizotypal personality & general anxiety disorders. My second roommate suffers from borderline personality disorder (though he's classified as "bipolar" for insurance). My third-and-former renter (whose recently-vacated room is the one advertised on CraigsList) was also bipolar/alcoholic, and left my house after falling off both the wagon and the deep end. Though my house is typically peaceful (and as you can tell by the photos, lovingly maintained by a guy with OCD), you probably want to get AWAY from crazy people when you're done with your shift. And I haven't even mentioned what's in my basement playroom...
With all that in mind, I must politely pass on your roommate inquiry.
David Alan Dedin
PS: As mentioned in my ad, I've recently published my first novel. You might find it interesting; it can be read as a case study for undiagnosed schizotypal personality disorder and depression. My author's website: davidalandedin.com
You can imagine how much FUN I have with those CL responses that come from overseas...