I once blogged that "people are gross," but animals can be pretty disgusting as well. Dogs lick their balls, cats lick their asses, and all domestic animals poop in places we really wish they didn't. I once had a boyfriend who had three dogs in his house, including a min-pin & pug. The pincher always smelled like feet, but the pug smelled "sour" due to the snot that accumulated within the folds of its face. The only way to prevent the vile odor was to wipe the pug's folds several times a day, making sure to reach to the bottom of each crevice. What emerged on the rag looked remarkably similar to what's left on the toilet paper after wiping your ass. And those are just house pets. Imagine larger animals whose hooves are to big for a litter box. I mean, we all know what vets smell like. Have you ever visited a barn?
To this day, I can still remember how the neighbors' cows smelled...and how repulsive the chicken cages got in summer's humidity. Farm air actually "tasted" bad in your mouth - a mixture of corn, cows, and crap...and God help anyone who had their windows open downwind when the farmers decided it was time to clean their barns. The pig shit became airborne and sent clouds of aromatic animal anus into everybody's living rooms (where the stench was immediately absorbed by shag carpet). Remember Randy Quaid's line from Kingpin: "Run for your lives, there's a shit-cloud comin?" In 1977 Springfield Il, there was absolutely no place to run.
I guess when it comes down to it, all animals are gross if they don't have a caretaker...but koalas are grossest of all. The closest thing I've seen to a baby koala sucking its mother's ass was that Two Girls, One Cup video...and I think we all can admit their fetish-feces looked suspiciously like chocolate pudding. Mousse, to be specific.
But there was no pudding on RiffTrax's National Geographic Total Riff Off :(
No pudding, indeed.