"Kim Jong-un, the North Korean dictator, has become so fat while in office that his ankles have fractured under his own weight, it was reported on Tuesday. The 31-year-old, who has looked increasingly portly since taking power, had to undergo a hospital operation after putting too much strain on his ankles during a gruelling round of official engagements."
Now, everybody knows that Kim has gained weight since taking office - but I have never even once in my life heard about some fat dude's ankles just "giving out" under his weight. Not even on television...reality, scripted, or Springer. Never once have I watched a well-fed welfare mama totter up to the Golden Corral fudge-fountain, and after one too many scoops of sprinkles - SNAP! Mama gone down! And you'd think that if any country would be known for broken cankles, it would be America - the land of Wal Mart shoppers on scooters. But no, this ridiculous story came from North Korea, a kingdom where - with the exception of its leader - is known for mass starvation. Which got me to thinking...
Ultimately, I think the speculation is silly - and that Kim will resurface shortly...leaner, meaner, and with Dennis Rodman sucking his tiny Korean cock. But I'll admit that it's fun to speculate, and with each day of absence, the rumors get that much crazier. But until I see both China & South Korea preparing for refugees, I'm going to predict that Kim was just at a fat camp, returning when he slims back down to a B cup.
North Korea is one of my daily Google searches, a topic I visit after reading Drudge's top stories and catching up on world events. But the DPRK isn't my only interest. I also follow events in Dubai, Las Vegas, Arizona, and Washington (as well as within my favorite conspiracy blogs). Lately, I've also added South Korea to the list; it's only fair I figure, considering how many blogs I've written about the north. Seoul has caught my attention - especially with last week's arrival of "high level" diplomats from the Kim regime - and I've been researching how Seoul compares to Pyonyang.
As Seoul is one of the most populated cities on Earth, I've often wondered how those few North Koreans lucky enough to see the city must think of their own restricted lives. I've read that DPRK defectors have incredible difficulty adapting to South Korean society because the freedom of culture, information, and movement that is available is overwhelming to people who live without electricity. I mean, think about that. Even the most modern Pyonyang neighborhoods are 50 years behind those in Seoul. And most North Koreans don't live in their capital city. Outside of it's showplace capitol, the quality of life can mirror the third world. The BBC has aired many documentaries showing North Korean residents livingthe kind of poverty only seen in post-apocolyptic movies.
Before I get to the point of this blog, I want to take a moment to say how glad I am to live in the United States. I've often complained about how "claustrophobic" my home feels in Aurora, Il - with my tiny lot, my tiny yard, and my (tiny) 1400 sq ft home with 12' ceilings, 4 bedrooms, 2 full baths, and formal living & dining rooms. I'm not bragging about my house; it's a 111-year-old inner-city home that requires constant maintenance to stay "livable" by my standards. I've joked that I need a milkman who delivers two gallons of white paint each week, but the truth is that my pad is pretty sweet...especially when compared to the apartments of both North and South Korea. I'm lucky to be living in such a place. And despite my complaints about dated kitchen cabinets, I've never wanted for electricity or food for within my refrigerator. The US middle class ROCKS. And if I had to live in either Seoul or Pyongyang (or most anywhere else in Asia), I definitely would not enjoy the quality of life I have now.
Which brings me back to North Korea - and what looks like it's recent attempt to reach out to the modern world. God only knows what those "high level" North Korean diplomats said to the South, but again...neither China nor South Korea are preparing for North Korean refugees. Kim is still missing, but his minions are socializing...and it's clear that the DPRK wants a window into the modern world. What happens next? Could North Korea finally be getting tired of living within the early 20th century? And what will be the final/official explanation for Kim Jong Fat's absence?
How much longer can this poor country live in isolation? The cracks are beginning to show, and despite the slowness of change, change is coming - steady & unavoidable - and I suspect that the majesty of "Kim" will eventually be toppled by something as simple as a Keurig's hot cup of coffee. No, it doesn't warm "cheese," but again I don't believe those rumors...or those broken ankles.
ALL of us know the direction towards happiness, and for the North Korean elite - whose darkened city looks towards the light of Seoul - happiness is just a coup away. Imagine Pyongyang with a couple of Starbucks...or at least a nice Golden Corral, with more to choose from than kimche.
And freedom means a LOT more than sprinkles:)