Only the late Warren Zevon could work "brucellosis" into the lyrics of a song.
WARREN ZEVON'S GRIDLOCK hammered through my living room last evening as Alexander & I were playing our favorite albums for each other. It was a neat sort of bonding moment. Marijuana was involved. Alexander's lived here for about four months now, and we really haven't sat down and just "talked" before. He played Phish's first record for me, and I showed him Zevon's "Transverse City" - his *industrial* concept album from 1987. I can still remember the first time I heard the recording; I was getting stoned with a friend, and he'd just gotten the CD from Musicland. I told Alexander that one of my biggest regrets was that I never saw Warren in concert - as well as about Mr. Zevon's final appearance on the Letterman show, when he was a skeleton with skin. Our bonding moment succeeded; we kicked back, shared another bowl, and chatted in a room lit by Tiffany lights and flameless candles. I love the atmosphere of my house. The place was built in 1903, and its in the heart of one of the local Historic Districts. From outside, the home looks like a Norman Rockwell painting; the residence is full of flowers in the summer, with a yard as green as a Scotts commercial. Inside however, the house is decorated like a Pop Culture man-cave, complete with a dungeon in the basement. Between Alexander (35, bisexual, a "Conservative Anarchist" with a long, black mohawk), Dane (31, gay, my boy), Radar (56, asexual, a Goth/musician/DevOps Ninja/Harley rider) & myself (55, a gay man with multiple personalities in the Leather Community), the neighbors don't know what to think of us. They probably think I'm a photographer, when they see the red basement lights. Chuckling - we're kind of a cross between The Young Ones and The Golden Girls ... Radar's "Vyvyan," Alexander is a male Dorothy Zbornak, Dane is Christopher Ryan, and I'm obviously "Blanche" in this arrangement, assuming of course that Ms. Devereaux was a dude and had a dungeon in her bedroom, behind all that leafy wallpaper.
Good riddance. I haven't watched much television since we cancelled cable and switched to streaming. I get my news online each day, and I can watch both Hannity & Jesse Watters through the FoxNation app. It's heartbreaking to see coverage of the fire in LA, and even more so to witness the Biden's tepid response to it. (Maybe they didn't have news channels in Italy, so Joe didn't realize the West Coast was on fire.) I'm still in a post-election funk I think, but I'm starting to come out of it, the closer we get to Inauguration Day. Considering there have been two assassination attempts already, I'm pleased the swearing-in ceremonies will be held inside this year. I'm happy Biden has been world-traveling these final two weeks; it keeps him away from Washington where he's been pardoning felons and selling off the Border Wall. (I do hope he pardons the Tiger King.) Years from now, books will be written about this Trump/Biden/Trump period of history, when our country almost lost its way. This is an incredible time to be alive, as the Republicans control all three branches of government, and everyone's ready to change our nation's direction. I can't wait to see the role that Elon Musk will play. Ditto, Pete Hegseth - and all the other nominees. I'm excited to see how fast Donald gets his cabinet picks through the Senate. A week or so ago, I watched video of Nancy Pelosi returning to Congress with a walker w/tennis balls. I laughed when I saw that. What a perfect *metaphor* for Pelosi's diminished role during this period of transition: an old woman in a walker trying to stay relevant in modern times👵. Carter's dead, Bill just got out of the hospital, Obama gonna' be snubbed by Michelle (on Inauguration Day), and Joe's been removed from office. You can almost hear a car crash's spinning hubcap, whenever a prominent Democrat tries to explain how Donald won. And all this is happening while Space-X launches rockets into the heavens with vehicles that were designed by Quantum Computers. I wonder how much Defense Budget money Pete Hegseth will allocate to Space Force. I recently rewatched "Enterprise," the Star Trek franchise about Earth's early days of deep space travel. The show is set in the near-distant future, when the world is united and poverty & war have been eliminated. From a 2025 point of view, the show depicts a unified planet that our grandchildren's children will inherit - a place of peace & tranquility. I genuinely believe that the Trump presidency will begin a new era of peace & cooperation, particularly with countries overseas. And that era will begin in just a few days, when Trump takes the oath of office.
Group therapy was horrible, worse than AA meetings. MY CONVERSATION WITH ALEXANDER covered many topics including, surprisingly, mental illness, as we both suffer from depression. Alexander's a Philosophy major; he thinks deep thoughts, and he's great to have intellectual conversations with. We'd never really talked about my multiple personalities, so I shared several stories of my times in the hospital - before my final diagnosis. I've come to realize that I was in a schizophrenic mania while writing much of When People Go Away, so much so that I don't remember writing the last chapter of the book. I was also having a psychotic episode the three different times I was hospitalized last year, while completing the novel. That's over a month's time when you consider each of my stays averaged two weeks, and I actually wrote my 9/28/23 blog post while sitting in one of the state-run mental institutions. I have much to say about the State of Illinois Mental Health System, but I'm saving *that* story for If You Write the Music, I'll Write the Lyrics, my next novel. What I will say now is that the conditions of these facilities are far from conducive in causing any patient to get better, not by a long shot. The atmosphere of these "crisis units" is hideous: Imagine a 1970s grade school with cement walls, tiled floors & ceiling, cold fluorescents, and no effort made to make those inside comfortable. The feel is prison-like. All of the furniture is "stackable," so there is no comfortable seating. The foam mattress beds either smell like disinfectant (to cover the urine & sweat), or they stink of ammonia, because some hospitals use rubber mattress covers to avoid the same problems - and literally wipe them with Windex. The entire ward revolves around a single CLOCK, behind the nurse's desk; with no "live" television allowed in the common room, there was no sense of what was happening in the outside world. Just that clock. And the clock checking off our daily existence: Food time. Nap time. Common time. Quiet time. Bed time ... time became an institutional blur. Meal times were particularly important because we were all so bored, eating broke the nursing home monotony. Aside from watching a pre-approved list of movies, (or crayons with paper) there was literally *nothing* to do. During one of hospital stays, I watched Ferris Bueller's Day Off so many times, I found a significant movie mistake that to my knowledge, no one seems to have noticed. Add to that, the hospital floor is locked, so you're trapped there 24/7. Aside from patients screaming (and the nurses talking/gossiping about patients loudly, to all in earshot), these units are as quiet as a church. They feel hermetically sealed from the outside world, like a silent-running submarine. When considering an average two-week stay, I'd typically see a doctor or therapist for a total of 15 minutes. It was disgraceful. After being released from my second hospital stay, I marched down to the Hospital's HR Dept; I gave them a list of HIPAA violations I'd witnessed before my sister drove me home. I'm sure the staff was happy to be rid of me.
On the subject of mental health, when my book sells, I want to make Mental Health my personal cause. From grade school consolers to my current meds doctors & therapist, I've spent a lifetime inside psychiatrists' offices, and until recently they've all gotten me wrong. I've been in both private and public mental hospitals, and the difference is night & day. My last three stays have been in state run units, and each experience was horrifying, in its own way. During my second commitment, while I was having a schizophrenic episode, the staff threw me to the ground so hard, I shat myself. (As a clean freak, you can imagine how happy I was with that.) I mean, even the One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest gang was treated better by Nurse Ratched. We weren't "tended to," we were "warehoused." We didn't get therapy, we got craft time and naps. The condition of our state-run mental health system is deplorable. A week into my most recent stay, after I'd been admitted because I'd cut my wrists long ways, I had to beg to have my dirty dressings changed because my injuries were held together by staples - and the wounds were oozing. At no time during any of my hospital visits did anyone just pull me aside and ask how I was doing. I was left alone to fight through my mental issues alone, and I literally had to DRAG my multiple personalities together, despite the indifference of staff. I got better not "because" of the mental health system, I got better in spite of it. People who really know me are amazed by my inner strength, and the patience I've shown throughout this process of mental health recovery. The strength I have comes from Faith, and if it weren't for God's presence in my life, I'd have killed myself years ago.
On the subject of mental health, when my book sells, I want to make Mental Health my personal cause. From grade school consolers to my current meds doctors & therapist, I've spent a lifetime inside psychiatrists' offices, and until recently they've all gotten me wrong. I've been in both private and public mental hospitals, and the difference is night & day. My last three stays have been in state run units, and each experience was horrifying, in its own way. During my second commitment, while I was having a schizophrenic episode, the staff threw me to the ground so hard, I shat myself. (As a clean freak, you can imagine how happy I was with that.) I mean, even the One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest gang was treated better by Nurse Ratched. We weren't "tended to," we were "warehoused." We didn't get therapy, we got craft time and naps. The condition of our state-run mental health system is deplorable. A week into my most recent stay, after I'd been admitted because I'd cut my wrists long ways, I had to beg to have my dirty dressings changed because my injuries were held together by staples - and the wounds were oozing. At no time during any of my hospital visits did anyone just pull me aside and ask how I was doing. I was left alone to fight through my mental issues alone, and I literally had to DRAG my multiple personalities together, despite the indifference of staff. I got better not "because" of the mental health system, I got better in spite of it. People who really know me are amazed by my inner strength, and the patience I've shown throughout this process of mental health recovery. The strength I have comes from Faith, and if it weren't for God's presence in my life, I'd have killed myself years ago.
Dictator on Day One SPEAKING OF GOD'S PRESENCE, I hope to the Almighty that he keeps us safe during these last few days of the Biden administration. In an earlier blog I'd written about being worried that Russia, China, or the Middle East might take advantage of Joe's impotency and launch an incursion on one of our allies/territories - while Biden was asleep. So far it seems that my prediction won't be the case, and for that I hold The President Elect's behaviors/endeavors in the days leading up to the Inauguration responsible. You know your President is a badass when he can wield influence before he even takes office. On the subject of badasses, Pete Hegseth performed brilliantly during his conversation hearing. I recognized the suit he was wearing; he often wore it on Fox & Friends, and it has a red, white, and blue lining. I was reminded of Brett Kavanaugh's hearings, and the unfair way the Democrats tried to smear him with questions about allegations of drunkenness and sexual assault. I will admit that I didn't realize how many times Hegseth was married, but I honestly have no problem with that. I believe in divorce, in cases when couples just don't love each other anymore. I think the great Rush Limbaugh was married three or four times himself, before he found Kathryn. At my age, I think more of my friends are divorced, remarried, or in open relationships then the ones hitched for life. I do still believe in traditional family values though, so I obviously root for those friends in marriages - but I don't think any less of those divorced, especially if they really gave it a go. I should also mention that even though I do encourage the family unit, I also accept the many lifestyles that make consenting adults happy (so long as they don't try to inflict their lifestyle on others). Chuckling ... Even as a gay man, I know that it takes straight people to make more gay people -
Kinda non-negotiable, I'm afraid.
Kinda non-negotiable, I'm afraid.
How's THIS for casting: Michio Kaku as the doctor, in a "Back to the Future" remake. IN OTHER NEWS, I've started reading again. I'm a few books behind in Preston/Child's Pendergast novels, but rather than adventure, I'm about to begin Michio Kaku's newest; it's a fascinating look into how Quantum Computers are about to revolutionize everything within our daily lives. With the rate these devices' use is growing, I'm expecting a "Q-mac" to be Apple's next big announcement. I've written about quantum computing frequently in this blog, and the era I describe isn't just around the corner, It's right here, now. (I can totally imagine Kaku as the Doctor, if Hollywood ever remakes Back to the Future, btw.) I love Kaku's books. They're as easy to read as Patrick Lencioni's business titles. Michio treats alien life as a serous subject, and all of his points are made with a physicist's intellect. Mr. Kaku's new work - "Quantum Supremacy" - delves deeply into quantum computer's rapid evolution (as we use Q computers to design better Q computers), and how quantum computing is about to revolutionize all aspects of our lives. When you consider Michio's earlier titles -Parallel Worlds, The Physics of the Future, The Future of Humanity - Professor Kaku has been preparing us for this amazing time for years. It's even more exciting that this period is happening with Trump in the driver's seat, flooring the legislative accelerator. Fox is reporting that Donald has 100+ Executive Orders to sign, as soon as he's sworn in. Chuckling - I wonder if he's going to start signing orders in the limo between Inaugural balls - or will that be done from the Oval Office? If he does sign the documents in the White House, not only do I hope they televise it, I want each order to be read out loud (and, if possible, shown on the screen below). I want to *hear* how much damage the Democrats have done to this country - with LIVE coverage of what Trump has to do to fix it. I want to watch his serious orange face as he signs each order. I want to *revel* in the knowledge that our country is going to be safe again - particularly from threats overseas. The border will be secure. Criminals will be arrested. Inflation will subside, and the economy already seems like its starting to improve. The military will go through a housecleaning under Pete Hegseth, as will other areas of government with similar qualified cabinet members. It's finally become public knowledge that both China & Russia have hypersonic missiles (weapons that can destroy a carrier with the push of a button), and this threat must be taken seriously. I cannot stress enough how important this is.
Eventually, a year of so into Trump's presidency, I want him to do a document dump. I want him to release everything. I want to see what Tesla discovered. I want to see if Dr. Steven Greer is right about the Military Industrial Complex, and how much he knows about life in the universe. I want to sift through the documents of the Kennedy assassination, and other famous cases that still need explanation. And then, of course, there's the government's UFO files; with the dawn of commercial space travel, the Pentagon can't hide their secrets any longer. Something tells me that Trump might be the President who finally provides disclosure. Imagine how petty our wars & disagreements will become when we ponder the role that Earth might take in a greater galactic community.💫
Food for thought as we all wait for the Inauguration.
- Sir Dave
Eventually, a year of so into Trump's presidency, I want him to do a document dump. I want him to release everything. I want to see what Tesla discovered. I want to see if Dr. Steven Greer is right about the Military Industrial Complex, and how much he knows about life in the universe. I want to sift through the documents of the Kennedy assassination, and other famous cases that still need explanation. And then, of course, there's the government's UFO files; with the dawn of commercial space travel, the Pentagon can't hide their secrets any longer. Something tells me that Trump might be the President who finally provides disclosure. Imagine how petty our wars & disagreements will become when we ponder the role that Earth might take in a greater galactic community.💫
Food for thought as we all wait for the Inauguration.
- Sir Dave