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MST3K Presents: "Dark Victory," With Bette Davis

4/30/2017

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So, I've been on an Bette Davis movie kick ever since the conclusion of "Feud: Bette and Joan."   I'm pretty familiar with Joan Crawford's films, but with the exception of All About Eve, I realized I hadn't seen any of Davis's earlier pictures from the time when she was a star on the scale of a Kardashian.   A film buff friend gave me a stack of DVDs, so I've been plowing through the 1930s - with classics like Jezebel, The Virgin Queen, and Now, Voyager.  I think my favorite so far is Dark Victory, a story of a socialite diagnosed with a brain tumor.  Nineteen thirties medical technology must have been absolutely amazing, as Bette's doctor was able to diagnose malignancy with a few short questions, a couple reflex tests, and a Chesterfield.   He was incredibly accurate, too; he was able to predict Bette's impending death to within 30 minutes.   When struck with sudden blindness (a final symptom that triggered a half hour death-countdown), Bette was able to effortlessly scamper down porch stairs (blind, in her gardening heels), wish her soon-to-be-widowed hubby adios,  pet her dogs, chat with her maid, and collapse into her bed's satin sheets in time for closing credits.   Such a realistic portrayal of death!  No hospice, no tears, not an eyelash out of place.  Of course, I couldn't help but wonder what those 2,000 thread count sheets would look like once Bette's pretty corpse unclenches its bowels.  Maybe that's why the victory was "dark..."

There are some really incredible videos you can watch for free on YouTube, videos that show Ms. Davis in her final years of life.    She had bounced back from a stroke, written This n' That (a memoir), and was making the rounds in the 1980s talk show circuit - with a voice so raspy, it sounded like Harvey Fierstein.   Her appearance on Letterman was funny (she accidentally spilled a drink on his pants), though the real video to watch is her 1987 interview on the old Phil Donahue program.   Donahue actually let her SMOKE in the studio, so Davis sat onstage obscured within a swirling cloud of white, in front of an audience who clearly considered her royalty.   The interview was surreal.  Davis - impeccably dressed - barely weighed  80lbs.  She talked about old Hollywood, her relationship with Joan Crawford, and what life had become in her twilight years - knowing death was around the corner.   With the possible exception of England's Queen, I can't think of a single person today who commands that kind of respect.   Maybe the Pope.  Or the President in some circles.  Definitely not O'Reilly anymore, which is sad because I was really looking forward to whomever he ends up killing in his next book. Chuckling...can you imagine if he kills Bruce Jenner? 
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Speaking of cinema's golden age, this week marked the return of Mystery Science Theater on Netflix - a reboot to one of my all time favorite shows, more exciting than TNT's return to the Ewing's Dallas.  I can still remember the day in 1992 when I friend called to tell me - excitedly - about a crazy new program on Comedy Channel during one of their first-ever weekend marathons.  "Its incredible, David," she said.  "It's like Rocky Horror, but for bad movies."  I was a little preoccupied with X-Files at the time, so I'll admit that it took me a few months to really pay attention.  But once I did, holy fucking shit!  MST3K was a show designed for nerdy-geeks like me, guys who liked to analyze Star Trek episodes with the passion of a straight man discussing a weekend football game.  As far as "life-changing moments of the 1990s" went, stumbling onto Joel, Crow, and Servo was second only to finding my first Bound & Gagged magazine, in Peoria, in my early 20s.  

Twenty-five years ago MST3K filled a hole in my brain, like discovering a long-lost piece of software that had originally came with my imagination.  With two-hour episodes, it took all week to binge watch the Netflix reboot, and I have to admit: the online streaming service nailed it. The reboot is the perfect homage to the original series, while bringing the show into the modern Facebook/Twitter/Netflix era.  The cameos by Joel, Mary Jo, and Brain Guy/BoBo were obviously appreciated in a nostalgia sort of way, though I genuinely felt they only underlined how well Jonah Ray had done in stepping  into Mike/Joel's jumpsuit.  I'm giving the reboot a solid "A-," with the full expectation of an "A+++" with season two. Don't forget, it took the original MST3K two full seasons to really hit its stride - and that doesn't count the KTMA year, when Joel had a mullet.

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