David Alan Dedin
Quick Links:
  • Home
  • BLOGS
  • The Beekman Place Novels
  • Reader's Reviews/Comments
  • Dave's Cartoons
  • Dave's Bio/Contact Info
  • Dave's Photos
  • Dave's Haunted House

So Say We All

2/24/2015

1 Comment

 
Picture
"The Tweet heard round the worlds," per the Huffington Post
It's hard not to giggle when watching Star Trek The Next Generation, especially on an HD television. The sets look cheap, the special effects dated, and it's tempting to attack like Edward Scissorhands whenever I see Beverly Crusher's bangs.  I remember how incredible TNG seemed back in 87', and how long fans had waited for a series reboot.  Twenty years after the original show, it had become really hard to take Shatner seriously as he waddled around a movie set, unbuckling his pants before settling into the Captain's chair.  "Fire the grill, Scottie!"  Of course, a second twenty years has passed since TNG went off the air, making me wonder how my current sci-fi favorites might hold up in 2035.  I suppose that like the Brady Bunch Superbowl commercial, it will depend on if the SyFy channel's "Cylons" stop their human genocide once they have a Snickers bar.
Picture
Two weeks ago, John Podesta - an outgoing advisor to President Obama - publicly acknowledged that the US government has been holding back knowledge of extraterrestrial life.  Mr. Podesta was the highest-ranking official to have ever made such an admission while in office, and it's becoming increasingly clear that full UFO disclosure can happen at any moment.  Our universe is teeming with life, and the United States is the last major country to acknowledge that fact.  At this point in history, denying the existence of alien life is as laughable as "Baghdad Bob's" claims that Iraq had not been invaded.  There is so ... much ... evidence, from Timothy Good's research for the British government to Stephen Greer's Disclosure Project interviews - where credible military officials who had been sworn to secrecy for 50 years finally admitted to human interaction with extraterrestrial species, starting in the Eisenhower administration.  Hell, when a soccer mom at Wendy's takes video of lights in the sky making 90 degree turns at impossible speeds, how can we not look UP and wonder?  

I've often said that I can feel something coming, some type of  "event"  that will scare the hell out of everyone - so much so that it will temporarily disrupt the flow of goods & services.  I believe this event will be a global occurrence, and I suspect that much of the present unrest in the world is because those in other countries can feel it approaching - and are showing that fear through violence.  From ISIS to Iran, from Putin to Kim Jong Un...I suspect that even China's military buildup are all symptoms of a shared global worry.  Every culture reacts to fear differently, and sadly, many lash out with aggression because it's all they know.  And when this event happens, it will be up to the calm, steady hand of powers like the US to lead by example into a brave new world of understanding - on the subject that John Podesta has been trying to disclose sine the Clinton administration.  

PictureStar Trek TNG: "The Chase"
There's a TNG episode called "The Chase," in which humans, Klingons, Cardassians, and Romulans are all in a race to unlock a secret that's hidden in the DNA of every known race in the galaxy. The secret is a puzzle, with one piece in human DNA, one piece in Klingon DNA, and so on.  In order to discover the puzzle's ultimate meaning, all pieces must be found and placed together - which of course means that enemies must work together.  And when the puzzle is finally assembled, what does everyone find?  (Wait for it...) Yes!  ALL of us, every race, every species, every puddle of goo on every planet come from the same creator...which means that we're all the same.  Cue Michael Jackson's Black & White, people ...because this amazing episode's oh-so-subtle message means there's no need to build any more missiles in Pyongyang.  Putin can put his shirt back on while riding his horse out of Ukraine, and China can stop...well, you know...being China.  (Chuckling) We can finally elect "Red Forman" as Earth's President.  It's about time that someone calls Kim Jong Un a "dumbass."

All jokes aside, I mention this episode because I genuinely believe in the idea that humanity was seeded on Earth from an alien race.  Yes, I know, that's a statement that's easy to ridicule...because let's face it: the Catholic idea of Creation makes sooooooooooooo much more sense.  The truth is that nobody knows where we came from - and that includes respected scientists who claim we evolved from slurry.  Whether you're Professor Michio Kaku or Jim Bakker hawking Rapture-ravoli, you ... just ... don't ... know.  At least not for sure.  And I really believe that evolution is as likely as creation, as the idea that man evolved in just 200,000 years is about as realistic as walking around commando in the garden of Adam & Eve.  What makes far more sense - and let me duck as Catholic nuns throw their rosaries & shoes at me - is the idea that mankind was brought here from a far more established world.  I believe our ancestors were released on Earth, in the same way we release animals into the wild.  We tag them, we watch their progress, and we hope to find a way to enjoy their lives.   And maybe if we're lucky, those animals will return to us later, all grown up, like a collie  in a Disney movie.  

PictureModern Quantum Computing: The "D:WAVE"
But just like TNG's "The Chase," I believe that mankind's true origin is hidden within our DNA coding.  The Human Genome Project finished a rough-draft DNA-map in 2003, but the completion opened the door to many more questions:  What advances will this cause in medicine and biotechnology?  Can we manipulate our DNA to remove disease and enhance positive traits?  Our human chromosomes have billions of lines of code, so of course, there's the big conspiratorial question:  Did our creator leave our true origin for us to find, hidden, within our DNA sequence?  Sounds like science fiction I know, but DNA is like advanced computer code, and what better place to place a message than within the very fabric of our molecular being.  It's just like 2001: A Space Odyssey.  The monolith remained buried on the moon, until humanity reached the technological level that was needed to both find it - and understand it.  With quantum computers becoming a fast reality, the ability to discover those monolith-like secrets are rapidly coming into reach.  And no anger over a Muhammad cartoon will stop it.

Picture
So, kudos Mr. Podesta for your last admission before leaving your official position to join Hillary's campaign.  I admire your courage, and the stance you've taken on a subject that many people ridicule - because they fear the truth.  A pro-disclosure stance would make a BIG impact on who I vote for in 2016.  But that being said, even with cigar-shaped UFOs, I am not voting for another Clinton -

Let's find someone else to serve mankind.

1 Comment

The Sky's the Limit

2/18/2015

2 Comments

 
Picture
The no less than absolutely stunning, Boeing 747-8
From books like Crichton's Airframe & Follet's Night Over Water, to shows like National Geographic's Air Crash Investigation, I'm always on the hunt for stories about flying.  I love airplanes, the bigger the better - and I always pay attention to what model plane ride in.  Over the past ten years I've learned how commercial jets work, and I think they're no less than absolutely amazing - with all their interconnected computers and thousands of moving parts.  Jumbo jets are especially so, considering the engineering that goes into building them.  Sure, NASA might send rockets into space - but with the exception of the shuttle, their vehicles are typically designed to be used only once.  A Boeing 707 will literally last tens of thousands of flights, so long as it receives proper maintenance - and its pilot doesn't pull a Denzel Washington while flying through geese in Malaysia.  Think about that.  Even the most expensive cars rarely make it past a few hundred thousand miles. Yet, whenever you see a 747 in the sky, chances are it has clocked millions of miles/flight hours in its lifetime. Chuckling...despite regular trips to Jiffy Lube, I've never had a car last last a fraction of that long.
PictureLegs distract from the background jalopy.
Speaking planes with lots of miles, these past few months have included many stories describing North Korea's Air Koryo passenger airline.  Apparently Air Koryo is the world's only "one star" airline, but that's mainly due to the age of its fleet - and lack of modern safety equipment.  Yes, its airplanes are beautifully maintained - like attending an antique car show where a 57' Nomad sits shiny in the sun - but there's something unsettling when vintage aircraft are used to move daily passengers.  When an old Packard stalls, it quietly coasts to the side of the road and its occupants enjoy a picnic while the driver calls Triple A.  But when a 1957 Soviet Ilyushin II-8 stalls, "gentle" is the last word to describe its journey back to the ground.   

All jokes aside, the newest adventure for North Korean visitors are aviation enthusiast tours to ride Air Koryo's stunningly well-maintained fleet.  With planes straight from the Mad Men era, passengers can enjoy time traveling in old turboprops - with cockpits that somehow operate without a single digital display.   Like Cubans who've kept their 49' DeSotos running,  Air Koryo keeps its 59' Antonov An-24's looking showroom - new, with fresh coats of Dear Leader's Turtle Wax to hide the metal fatigue cracks.   The fact that these planes still get off the ground at all is admittedly a testament to the North Korean people, working like MacGyver, fashioning engine parts out of scrap.  I suppose that's part of the thrill of a DPRK aviation tour: Will I get to finish my fruit cocktail before one of the propellers snaps off, taking out hydraulics in the tail section? Whatever the case, if the stewardess serves you enough Kim Jong-Ale, you won't give a damn how rough the landing is - or whether your traveling companions got sucked out a window like Goldfinger.  God knows that your pilot probably feels the same.

PictureA 1950s-era Air Koryo cockpit.
Modern day jumbo jets are almost impossible to crash, with triple redundant safety systems & computers watching everything from engine performance to how many cans of Schlitz are stocked on the drink cart.  Ultra-modern planes have what are known as "glass cockpits" - consoles full of digital displays, rather than analog dials. So many manufacturers brag that their planes are so computerized, they almost fly themselves - and that's particularly true for AirBus, a European company whose sales have recently eclipsed Boeing's. Airbusses have become so dependent on computers, their cockpits even lack the traditional center console of throttle controls. In automotive terms, comparing an Airbus to Boeing is like comparing a Prius's digital dashboard to the gleaming gauges of a new Cadillac.  Both get passengers to where they need to go, but each delivers a completely different experiences for the driver.  I want my pilots to be able to physically grab the throttle lever, as though they were driving a Caddy STS - and had to slam into four-wheel drive, to safely navigate a microburst.  Air Crash Investigation has told many stories of Airbus's crashing because their pilots didn't understand the plane's instrumentation - and didn't know how to override the computer's distrust of the Captain.  I don't know about you, but if my plane gets in trouble, I'd much rather my pilots be able to - literally - take the situation by the throttle levers, and to not have to explain their actions to the cockpit's HAL 9000.  And sure, Boeings crash too ... I don't mean to single out Airbus ... but when a 737 nosedives into a Cracker Barrel, it's typically because of some amazingly stupid pilot error.  And pilot error, in my opinion, is a far better way to go. 

Picture
So, North Korea - in conjunction with Air Koyro - now has a jumbo-jet, which they claim rivals Air Force One.  Again, it's a Russian Ilyushin, a Cold War relic that should have been grounded with the Soviet Union ... but after a passenger cabin face-lift (and a fresh coat of paint over the fuselage's Ch-AIR-Nobyl logo, it's apparently ready to shuttle around Dear Leader - and his entourage of generals, taking notes in Moleskines.

The Soviet Ilyushins are amazing machines, the airplane equivalent of a 64' Buick Electra.  Yes, the interior is awash in Corinthian Leather - but the fuselage was designed in the mid 1960s, with cutting-edge technology from the Kennedy administration.  We all know that Air Force One is a state-of-the-art 747, and that even in it's incredible present state, it's still going to be replaced by an a newer 747-8 within a couple of years.  As an American, I don't mean to brag ; I understand that leaders of several other countries are probably riding in James Bond planes as we speak.  But that being said - in keeping with my ongoing observation of North Korea - who else chuckles that Kim Jong-Un flies circles around Pyongyang's apartments in a quad-tail engine Soviet-era plane?  Especially when it's trailing a banner: "Please send us FOOD & JET FUEL ... but don't you dare balloon us copies of "The Interview," otherwise you'll endure the wrath of merciless repercussions."

Picture
Sixty-five years ago, after lessons learned from the De Havilland Comets, modern jet travel came of age.  We set a new standard for modern air-passenger service ... and, most importantly, we learned about metal fatigue - and how important safety is to keeping jets in the air.  Today's jets are the safest way to travel, and accidents are few and far between.  Air crashes occur a fraction as often as automobile accidents, and even old planes have a better safety record than cars.

Again, I love air travel.  I love everything about the experience.  I love finding tickets online, getting up early to make a morning flight, and I love sitting by the window, watching the engines roar - and the wings find lift.  Modern air travel is one of the things that makes me proud to be alive, and after watching 15 seasons of Air Crash Investigation, I'm confident that - whenever I board a plane - I'll arrive at my destination intact, rested, and holding a baggage voucher.  I don't have the courage to attempt an Air Koyro "aviation enthusiast" airplane tour, but I definitely don't mind booking a Southwest flight...and enjoying a bag of pretzels, and an $8 glass of Gallo Chardonnay.  

Air travel is amazing.  And I can't wait to experience how it evolves within the next 20 years. Boeing is introducing both the Dreamliner and 747-8, and Airbus has its A380 - a plane even bigger than Boeing's.  

But when it all comes down to it, air travel has become a staple of modern life.  We can travel to New York or Hong Kong or Moscow in hours, and the only thing shorter is an Enterprise transporter - which is still a few years away.  The world is getting smaller.  And with each flight we realize that our world itself is a very small place.  I look forward to the day when the departure screen says "To Infinity and Beyond," with destinations far away from Kubrick's 2001.

I'm even willing to fly an Air Koryo Stratocruiser, if it promises an aviation enthusiast's  journey to the stars.


Picture
Plane travel, in the days before modern radar.
2 Comments

The Zillow Rating of Haunted Houses

2/4/2015

1 Comment

 
Picture
"The Murder House," American Horror Story - Season One
I've never understood why people flee their haunted houses after the evil is gone.  I mean, most haunted homes are truly stunning properties, and after all the money spent hiring exterminators, priests, and paranormal investigators, it seems such a waste to leave it all behind.  Especially when they finally know you by name at Home Depot. 

Think about American Horror Story's beautiful red brick three-story, or the rambling Winchester house in San Jose, California.  Haunted houses are once-in-a-lifetime opportunities, typically priced far below Zillow value. How else could a struggling family of four afford an eight-bedroom Colonial with a solarium, greenhouse, and a necropolis?  Sure, the last six owners were all found dead in the ductwork, but can you believe these crown moldings?  The sconces?  The hand carved gargoyles?  A union plumber can stop those toilets from flushing red, and once all those children's cadavers are exhumed from the basement - and we catch that little Asian girl who crawls across the ceiling - you can totally make this place a home.  Just sign here...

PictureTammy Faye's Final Interview
I don't get sick very often, but this week I spent a day in bed with a stomach bug.  After dozing through a couple of haunted house movies on Chiller, I somehow ended up on the new Jim Bakker show. Jesus...Christ.  What is this man still doing on TV?  I remember the PTL scandal from the 80s - the air conditioned dog house, the fleet of Cadillac SeVilles, the shameful way the Bakkers begged for money - and when Jim finally went to jail, I thought his career was over. His wife Tammy had a brief resurgence with Monroe from Too Close For Comfort in the 90s, but she never returned to her former stardom...and died within hours of her final CNN interview.  And, wow - what an interview!  Tammy Faye Bakker looked like a Spitting Image puppet. Or a piece of beef jerky with a wig and fake eyebrows.

PictureThe Current Jim Baker Show
Anyway, as I watched Jim Bakker, it took a good 90 seconds for me to figure out who he was.  Back in the 80s, I remember him wearing striped Chess King sweaters and Liberace hair...but the Bakker on my television looked completely different, like a farmer - bald, flannel shirt, with something that resembled a John Deer cap.  He was quiet and soft-spoken, paired with a Tammy Faye lookalike (pre-cancer) - who I later learned was his wife.  A third host was also on the show, a Chris Christie-shaped salesman who was talking about Mother Mary's Mac n' Cheese.  Apparently for the last two years, the new Jim Bakker show has been hawking survivalist food-packs in anticipation for the Rapture.  "The streets may be engulfed in the fires of hell, but at least your family will enjoy a nutritious meal - all for just a small donation to the Bakker ministry."  Judging from Lori Bakker's Joan Rivers-like face, donations have been previously accepted  in Botox.

I don't understand how Jim Bakker is still on the air, considering the scandal that brought down his first TV ministry.  Does no one remember Heritage USA?  The gross misuse of funds?  Tammy Faye sobbing that her checking account was down to her last $42,000.00 - and she just didn't know how long that was going to last?  Of all of television's crooked/fallen reverends, how did Jim Bakker end up back on TV (and doing the same god damn thing that he did 30 years ago)?  "For just a gift of $500, you and your family will get $200 worth of food.  But, hurry - the Rapture is right around the corner." 

Picture
I couldn't help but laugh as Lori Bakker explained that food will become our post-apocalyptic currency.  "Once Christ calls his children back, your Visa will stop working...So you'll need to find some other way to purchase goods."  Excuse me Mrs. Bakker, but once Christ calls his children back, won't your audience be...gone?  Perhaps the Bakkers should be the ones stocking up on Holy Cinnamon Rollers & Jesus Juice.

Continuing to flip the channels, I ended up watching the news.  Fire seemed to be the headline's theme, including ISIS Burning a Jordanian pilot alive, a Taiwanese plane exploding after clipping an overpass, and the fiery crash of a New York City subway.  Is this the hellfire & brimstone Bakker is predicting? I thought, or was it just a typical modern news day?  Whatever the case, I wished I was in the comfort of a big haunted house - where the flickering shadows from the fireplace were far more disturbing than Shepherd Smith's expression.

PictureJim & Tammy, late 1980s
I've written before about how easy it is to get caught up in bad news, but have you ever noticed that ghosts are unaffected?  I mean sure, you've got the occasional possession, demonic presence, or puppetized closet vagina monster (from Poltergeist), but 99% of the time, the haunting never extends beyond the house.  And even better, most ghosts seem to be trapped in the magnificent past. They rattle sterling silver chains in Edwardian dining rooms, and they haunt the same halls that we see on Downton Abbey.  I mention this because most spirits seem to be trapped within times much better than our own.  In all my years of watching horror movies, I've never once seen a sticky wet Asian girl climb up out of a well (and then through a television screen) and complain about the war on terror.  Not even once.

So, my sick-day has left me with many unanswered questions...and as I type this, I have no answers. Why do people flee haunted houses?  Why is Jim Bakker still on the air (and is anyone else creeped out that he empties his testicles inside a Tammy Faye twin)?  Add ISIS into the mix - and an accident that will certainly be covered in next season's National a Geographic: Air Crash Investigation - and I'm tempted to call in sick tomorrow as well - not because I'm scared, but because I reeeeeeeeeeeally want to watch more TV.


PictureThe Winchester House
But what I really want to do is find a nice haunted house of my own.  Something spectacular, with an attic as big as the basement.  I don't care if people were murdered there.  So long as the garden is nice, the kitchen has counter space - and the wallpaper cleans up after itself, once it's done bleeding.  And if I do happen to die in the house - from the ghosts, Rapture, or terrorist attack - at least I'll know that my spirit will live forever inside a fabulous home.  I don't mind if time never changes, so long as the new owners don't rearrange my furniture.  And as for TV, my only request is that my home's new/living owners spring for a primo cable package.

I don't care if the news shows nothing but wall-to-wall brimstone, as long as I have counter-programming options - other than watching Jim Bakker get eaten on air by demons.  I suspect the apocalypse will be best enjoyed with a James Bond or Ab Fab marathon.  And if I do put any food aside for the Rapture, you can damn sure be certain it will be a skid of whiskey, rather than Ponctious Pilate's Pizza Puffs, for a gift to a charlatan of $500.
  I'll spend the extra $ to watch the world's end on TV.

The ghosts can bring the popcorn.

1 Comment

    Dave's
    Blog
    Archive

    2013 - 2018

    A Gay Man's Life in the Suburbs - and Beyond.

    October 2018
    September 2018
    February 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013

  • Sir Dave's Blog
  • Dave's Blog Archive
  • God's Message to Humanity
  • Book ONE: Goodbye to Beekman Place >
    • GTBP Info Page >
      • GTBP Visual Metaphors
      • GTBP Sample Chapters
      • Beekman's Playlist
  • Book TWO: The Saturday Night Everlasting >
    • TSNE Info Page >
      • TSNE Sample Chapters
      • TSNE Playlist
  • Book THREE: When People Go Away >
    • WPGA Sample Chapters
    • WPGA Playlist
  • Dave's Bio/Contact Info
  • Dave's Retail/Food Service Resume