David Alan Dedin
Quick Links:
  • Home
  • BLOGS
  • The Beekman Place Novels
  • Reader's Reviews/Comments
  • Dave's Cartoons
  • Dave's Bio/Contact Info
  • Dave's Photos
  • Dave's Haunted House

Interview With the CAMP-Pire

6/25/2014

3 Comments

 
Picture
So, North Korea is all pissed off again - this time because of Seth Gordon & James Franco's film, "The Interview."  I suppose their complaints are valid.  The upcoming movie pokes fun at Kim Jung Un's assassination, and considering that a London hairdresser almost triggered an incident by displaying a "Bad Hair Day" sign featuring KJU's face, one can only just imagine Dear Leader's stink over this.  At risk of making a fat joke, Pyonyang doesn't like it when we diss their sacred cows.
PictureThe Korean Flowbee.
Personally, I can't wait to see the movie - especially after watching its hysterical YouTube trailer.  North Korea is a humanitarian catastrophe, and I totally support any effort - even funny ones - to call people's attention to its dangerously unstable regime.  NK has death camps on the scale of the NAZIs.  It's citizens live a life as bleak as a George Orwell novel, where conformity outweighs happiness. Considering that most Americans know more about Kim Kardashian's ass than they do about Shin Dong-hyuk's horrific escape from Camp 14, Gordon's/James' movie might actually raise awareness about the plight of the North Korean people.  Hell, it may even raise the North Koreans' awareness about themselves when it's eventually smuggled back into their country alongside South Korean soap operas. 

Picture"MUCH better harvest than last year, comrade!"
Aside from two thumbs down on The Interview, the other big news from Pyonyang this week is that the country is fighting a drought...again.  State media acknowledged that the rain has stopped, the rivers are drying, and the army has been deployed to help water the rice crops. The last time this happened was in the 1990s.  Over one million people died from the famine that followed...and many North Koreans lost faith in leadership.  The disaster caused the collapse of the government's food distribution system - which led to the rise of the country's black market (and, inadvertently, a small taste of freedom).  In addition to food, the black market brought news of the outside world - and for the first time since the Kims took power, the illusion of the DPRK being a "social paradise" was shattered in the biggest way possible.  And that's when mass defections started.

I bring this all up because it's entirely possible that this year's drought/famine might finally be the catalyst that destabilizes the Kim regime.  It's no secret the world's been waiting for such a moment, and a few months back, it was publicly acknowledged that China, the US, Japan, and South Korea all have contingency plans to handle refugees (and secure nuclear weapons) when the North Korean government collapses.  It's more a matter of "when" than 'if," and in addition to daily news stories (and smuggled YouTube videos), NK's decline has been chronicled in recent books, including Dear Leader: Poet, Spy, Escapee--A Look Inside North Korea by Jang Jin-sung, Nothing to Envy: Ordinary Lives in North Korea by Barbara Demick, and North Korea: State of Paranoia: A Modern History by Paul French.  Like a lone 1950s-homestead surrounded by modern/encroaching buildings, the North Korean people can no longer ignore the twinkling lights of progress in every direction around them.  And at risk of making a fat joke, when one's children are undernourished while one's Great Leader is over-nourished,  an "il" timed famine can bring more drama than KBS's Good Doctor.

Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
This morning brought news that North Korea considers The Interview an "act of war."  They went on to say that if the US government doesn't stop the movie, it will face both "stern" and "merciless" retaliation (which means that it must be a Wednesday).  While reading their reaction, I couldn't help but think of that silly propaganda short a few years back, depicting a NK spaceship nuking the United States - with "We Are The World" playing on MUZAK.  Perhaps Pyonyang is pissed at Franco & Rogan because their movie - despite being a comedy - has better special effects & score than NK's attempt at Independence Day on a MacBook.  

And what a slam to Kim Jung Un, especially considering that his Father - literally - wrote the book on Korean cinema (AND abducted famed South Korean producer Shin Sang-ok in 1978, forcing him to make films for the regime).  With a background like that, no wonder KJU is so upset between the film & famine that he can't seem to stop eating.  And when your people are starving, the last thing you want to do is to start looking like a Mao Michael Moore.  Err, again, at risk of making a fat joke...
Picture
Anyway - all snark aside - I really do hope that Seth Rogan & James Franco's The Interview is a success, and brings more awareness to the plight of the North Korean people.  Perhaps an ironic comedy will open the door to the kinds of WWII documentaries so popular on the History Channel.  We all know the story of the Third Reich...now it's time for us to learn about the three Reichs of Kim.   Even if Greg Kinnear has to reprise his Bob Crane role, for an Interview follow-up: Hoag-UN's Heroes.

What's happening in North Korea right now is far worse than Russia's invasion of the Ukraine, and has gone on 50 years longer than ISIS's actions within Iraq.  

And sometimes it takes a little comedy to make us understand a situation's true severity.

3 Comments

Top Ten List

6/24/2014

1 Comment

 
Picture

TOP TEN LIST:
Things I learned while watching 
National Geographic: Air Crash Investigation

1.  If you smell smoke in the cabin - even just a little bit - land the damn plane as fast as you can.

2.  Even if he asks nicely, never let the pilot's 13 year old son steer a $50,000,000 Airbus when flying over the Siberian Mountains.

3.  If you hit a down draft at 500mph, anything not held in place by a seat belt becomes a projectile - and that includes your baby.

4.  Water landings rarely end well.  Neither do corkscrew nosedives.

5.  When your pilot says, "It's a little foggy in Boise," what he's really saying is, "I can't see a fucking thing outside - and if any of my instruments fail, we're all going to be a red smear on the runway."

6.  Speaking of fog, always wait for tower clearance before you take off in your 747 (in fog, fully loaded with passengers/fuel)...when there's another 747 on the same runway.

7.  If every single goddamn instrument in the cockpit is screaming "TERRAIN! TERRAIN! TERRAIN!" it's in your best interest to listen.

8.  Even if your pilot outranks you by thousands of hours, if he doesn't seem to notice that the horizon is now 90 degrees on the left, it's okay to tap him on the shoulder and say, "Errrrrrr...Captain?"

9.  Despite what we've learned from watching James Bond films,  most planes don't handle gunfire in the cabin very well. 

10.  Be nice to your flight attendants.  You might want one last glass of $12 Gallo wine before the ocean comes pouring into the fuselage.
1 Comment

Airport: 2014

6/14/2014

3 Comments

 
Picture
There is no better way to celebrate Friday the 13th than watching a marathon of National Geographic's Air Crash Investigation.  Over last few days I've enjoyed seeing planes fall from the sky - from Britain's "Comet" in 1954, to Australia's "Airbus A380: Titanic in the Sky," just a few years back.  Thanks to modern CGI, I've witnessed jets dive, roll, cartwheel, corkscrew, crash, and explode.  No expense is spared when showing a Boeing 747 slamming into a mountain, bursting into flames and leaving a crater of luggage & body parts.  No wonder passengers get hammered before boarding.  Send a round to the pilots, folks...and say hi to Denzel Washington.
Picture"And now for your in-flight movie..."
My interest in plane crashes got started in social media, when I clicked on a side link that said something like, "40+ Things That Pilots Will Never Tell You."  The story that followed was both funny and chilling, and included fun facts like: When a pilot says, "It's a little foggy in Boise," what he's really saying is, "We can't see a fucking thing outside...and if radar goes down, we'll all be a red smear on the runway."

The article went on to describe how most passengers have no idea how dangerous flying can be if one doesn't follow a few simple rules - like keeping your seatbelt fastened.  The majority of cabins are so calm inside, folks forget that they're actually rocketing through the air at 300-400 mph.   If your seatbelt isn't on - and the plane hits a downdraft - everything that's not strapped down becomes a projectile:  Your reading glasses.  Your laptop.  Your baby.  And if you ever notice that the flight attendants suddenly sit down and buckle themselves in, that's when it's time to worry: if your Southwest stewardesses can't stay on their feet, chances are you should probably slam what's left of that $12 glass of Gallo.


PictureMan, I loved this show!
Like so many industries, air travel puts on a great customer service face in an effort to make what they do look easy.  Just like a restaurant doesn't let diners see the chaos of the kitchen (except for Buca deBeppo), airlines hide the craziness of flying...because it's their jobs to do so. The air travel experience - like dining - is supposed to be perfect, and you're not supposed to think about the baggage handlers, the pilots doing checklists, or those mechanics performing last-minute maintenance on the plane (fixing small problems that could easily cause big ones in the air).  But like Pan Am stewardesses of the 60s, the flight crew we see must keep smiles on their faces - even if the same engine has needed oil for three straight landings.   

Of course, as passengers, we have no idea what's happening on the tarmac because it's goal of the crew not to make us think about that.  All flyers care about is that the plane is clean, on time, and stocked with peanuts, pillows, & booze.  But if Air Crash Investigation has taught me anything, it's that Murphy's Law is more likely to happen at 35,000 feet than it is on ground when an asshole won't stop playing his Words With Friends game.  (Chuckling.)  I can think of a few people I wouldn't mind slamming into the ocean after a violent corkscrew nosedive...

Picture
This morning I read about a JetBlue stewardess who wouldn't let a flyer get up during a taxiway delay - causing a child to piss her pants in the seat.  So many things crossed my mind when I saw this: How close was the plane to take-off?  How long might it have taken to get the kid to the bathroom, and then rush her back to her seat?  I totally get the need for safety (and avoiding injury if little Susie was pushing a mess when the plane started moving), but I also get that the child had to go - and the plane had been sitting on the tarmac for awhile.  I'm torn with this one.  I understand both the parent's and flight attendant's sides...though I suspect that what made the situation worse (and "by worse" I mean making the national news) was the Gorilla in the terminal that few people ever talk about: Air travel is expensive, and some customers think the cost of their tickets entitles them to chose convenience over safety.  I mean, think about how much hell customers raise if they don't have enough breadsticks with a $40 Olive Garden dinner.  Now, add another zero to the bill and imagine how the service expectations are raised.  You don't just expect a "dinner," you demand a "dining experience."  But such demands for airline travel just aren't realistic. 

PictureBe nice to your flight attendants, otherwise...
I genuinely believe that while passengers are waiting for flights at the gates, airlines should play nothing but crash videos on their lounge TVs.   Let's remind travelers just of why their tickets cost so much, and show them the delicate-dance of pilots & air traffic control...and what happens if someone fucks up.  Rather than CNN, let's explain to frequent flyers of how just one small thing - a bad bolt, a fritz-y sensor, or a poor choice of words - can lead to a real life Airport movie...only without Charles Heston on a rope.  Broken bones, flaming debris, a blood-covered drink cart thrown 500 feet from the scene.  At the very least, we'll get that little girl to piss her pants on the ground where it's safe - rather than a dangerous taxiway.

Yes, this is a good idea.  And the more that I think about it, the further I think we should go.  

Taking a cue from local police on prom weekend (where they plop a drunk driver's wrecked car on the playground), I think we should scare air travelers straight by displaying wrecked planes in the terminals. Smiling airline employees can explain: "This was flight 1702, brought down because angry passengers demanded that the pilot attempt a landing in bad weather.  Notice the dents in the cabin ceiling, where skulls impacted at 5oomph.  If you look closely at this one, you can still see bits of hair and scalp."

PictureBlow me!
(Chuckling.)  Well, as I learned from Michael Crichton's Airframe, all airline crashes - no matter how disastrous - are eventually summed up by a few short sentences within an FAA report.  With that in mind, here are a few things that I've learned from watching Air Crash Investigation:

1. Even if the pilot's kid asks nicely, don't let him steer a $50,000,000 Airbus when flying over Siberian mountains.

2. Always wait for tower clearance before attempting to take off in your 747 (in fog, fully loaded with fuel/passengers) when another fully loaded 747 is on the same runway.

3. If every single cockpit instrument/alarm is telling you "Terrain! Terrain! Terrain!," you should probably pay attention.

And speaking of paying attention, we all might want to do the same the next time our flight attendants go through their safety speech at the beginning of our next flight.  Even if we don't learn anything new, it's good to show our airline staff a little bit of respect - 

Especially if in our final fiery moments, we'd like one last glass of $12 Gallo wine...before arriving at that great airport in the sky.


3 Comments

Paul Lynde in the Amazon

6/6/2014

3 Comments

 
Picture
Working in a bookstore, I experience the daily joy of biting my tongue and smiling like Paul Lynde at customers who complain that books are often much cheaper online.  "Well, if you don't have what I want, then I'll just go to Amazon," they like to say.  "Seriously.  I don't understand why you don't have my hairdresser's roommate's self-published book of unicorn poetry from the 1980s. It's a bestseller!"  I clench my fists while counting one, two, three in my head before the inevitable closing line: "This is why you people are going out of business." 

Sigh...

Picture
Some people are so predictable, they actually make me wince.  As a bookseller, I'm all too familiar with the (uphill) battle of winning over shoppers who think Amazon is the end-all for books.  Sure, they boast low prices...but that's because like Wal Mart, they also sell catheters, cat food, and toilet paper.  Need a box of tampons with that copy of Doctor Sleep?  How about a case of Ramen noodles with The Goldfinch?  Tell you what: If you buy all five of the Game of Thrones paperbacks, we'll throw in a plastic spear and Djembe drum! 

Ugh...it's so hard not to hit shoppers upside the head like the Skipper did to Gilligan.  It's a challenge not to ask them, "Have you ever had a Business 101 class?"...or, "Do you know the difference between an online store and a brick & mortar retailer?"  Customers that snip "I'll just go to Amazon" remind me of two years ago: "Well, I'll just go to Borders."  I'll occasionally fire back, "You knoooooow, our website has the same prices as Amazon.  And if you order from us, you keep the bookstores in business."  But these customers' threats are laden with stubbornness, and pride prevents many from saying, "You're right.  I do appreciate shopping a store, rather than a website."  Hopefully, while enjoying Amazon's tender customer service, their title won't come from Hachette...


Picture
That being said, there were two major announcements yesterday:

1.  BN announced a partnership with Samsung, and the arrival of the Samsung Galaxy Tablet 4 Nook - a device that far surpasses anything that Amazon has to offer.  The Nook has always been a better product than Kindle, but like the Tucker automobile, even a superior product can get overlooked if it's competitor has deeper pockets.

2.  David Abrams - a self-made billionaire and hedge fund manager - purchased a sizable quantity of Barnes & Noble shares, a clear sign of faith in the company.  I'm not a financial expert, but I can recognize that an investment like Abrams' is proof that bookstores are still viable...and that B&N is positioned for longevity.

Either one of these stories is amazing on its own, but when both are taken together, it's the greatest news ever - like if Seth MacFarlane were to were to direct a Star Trek/Alien crossover.   It's such a relief to hear good news for a change...especially after several years of downsizing, E-reader struggles, understandably nervous customers, and snotty posters on anonymous online forums who've reveled in our company's distress.  People once complained that BN put small bookstores out of business, but then Amazon came close to forcing everyone to close - including the big guys.  


But I've always known that BN would pull through, and recent revelations about Amazon's bullying of Hachette (and, consequently, bullying of customers who want to buy Hachette books from them) has changed the retail landscape for the better.  People are finally realizing what Barnes & Noble knew all along: bookstores are a crucial part of our communities, and allowing them to get crushed by an online retailer is just...wrong.

Picture
Now, if we can only get our Cafes to spike the coffee, I think we'll all have Paul's famous shit-eating grin :) 

3 Comments

Jesus Christ on an ET's Bicycle, PART TWO

6/3/2014

2 Comments

 
Picture
Chemtrails being created over Phoenix June 2nd, 2014
Forgive me for writing two back-to-back blogs about the same subject, but every time I try to move on, something yanks me back to the topic at hand.  In the case of today, a friend posted these photographs on FaceBook this morning.  You conspiracy buffs will recognize them immediately: they're chemtrails, criss-crossed trails of - ??? - intentionally sprayed into the atmosphere.  Nobody seems to know exactly what chemtrails are made of, but abundant X-File theories run the gambit from weather control chemicals to biological manipulation, sprayed like a crop duster killing weeds.  Whatever the case, the chemtrails pictured were photographed above Phoenix - and the valley that witnessed one of the greatest mass UFO sightings in history in 1995.  I'll spare you the Art Bell explanation of this phenomena; a quick Google search will easily fill your screen with every possible conspiracy theory, so please...make sure you pick a good one.
Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
As mentioned in my last blog post, I've always believed in life on other planets - and that our government will finally acknowledge alien existence/visitation within the next 2-5 years.  But while writing that post, I also realized that I hadn't gained any "fresh/regular" information since Art Bell went off the air a few years back (his old show, not the Sirius program), so I began to seek out ET-news websites - and recently-posted lectures, documentaries, and news stories on YouTube.  What I found was overwhelming:  Vatican admissions.  Mayan artifacts.  High-quality videos taken on iPhones.  With the exception of the United States, almost every major government has admitted that alien life exists...and it's clear that our world is being prepared for a disclosure that will make us rethink our entire existence. 

What an amazing time to be alive!  And what a frightening time for those who fear such change.
PictureThat is one biiiiiiiiiiig weather balloon.
Despite the fact that I'm mentally prepared for ET admission, I'm deeply concerned for what disclosure will reveal about our perception of our "free" society.  For the past 30 years, I've never believed in the whole conspiratorial-Illuminati-shadow-government thing, but after putting in over two weeks of research, it's clear that our government hides many, many black projects.  Such secrecy might have made since back in 42', but what have these "MJ12's" become today - and how much influence do they have within our lives?  As a Republican, it pains me to ask, "What if those New World Order crackpots have a point?"  I suppose that might explain how Obama won a second term.

Anyone with a computer can access decades of documents, videos, statements, whistleblowers, and end-of-life confessions regarding an ET presence on Earth, today.  There's so much information, it's chilling - especially with explanations from Richard C. Hoagland, Timothy Good, and Michio Kaku.  All the Majestic documents are free, online, ready to read right now.  You can watch Ronald Reagan's ET comments to the UN in 1987.  You can actually see uncensored alien vehicles on the feeds from NASA, before they stopped streaming live from space.  This mountain of evidence confirms a 70-year-old structure of secrecy - and a structure that cannot withstand the freedom of social media, instant communication, and a world liked by the Internet.  

Again, within the next 2-5 years, I genuinely believe the shit's gonna' hit the fan.

Picture
When I imagine our future, I like to think of the Star Trek reality - an existence of technology, exploration, and peace on a galactic scale.  I suspect that space will be as populated as the Federation, though I'll admit big-busted alien women will likely not the norm.  Current ET beliefs describe many alien races - from greys that look like Joan Rivers without makeup, to reptilians that resemble my "Bossk" Star Wars action figure.  Personally I suspect that alien diversity is even vaster - and even the most die-hard of UFO enthusiasts haven't grasped the full extent of what's out there.  

That being said, I'm fully convinced that Earth is about to emerge into a "Cosmic Community" that's likely already populated with many races of extraterrestrials.   We won't be the first on the block.  In fact, the block might be so busy, we'd hardly be noticeable at all -  like an Amish buggy on the side of a modern road, passed by a car blaring rap music.  I mean, think about that for a moment.  Imagine yourself as a pet cat who's lived your entire life inside the house, but one day you sneak out an open door and find yourself standing on the side of a busy street.  How does a housecat react to that stress?  Now, how do you think humanity will react to the same?


PictureGREAT message, but its spokesman is a tad Hale-Boppy.
I guess that's my biggest worry about ET disclosure - and why it's so incredibly important that our government acknowledges alien life as soon as possible.  We are the housecat living inside the safety of home (Earth), and it's getting harder to ignore all those noisy cars outside the window.  

For 70 years, our government has made the decision to keep the front door closed - but the time has come to let us outside, and allow us to see who else lives on the street.  Sure, we'll be frightened at first - and maybe even a little pissed off that the secret was kept for so long.  We might break a few windows, set some fires, turn over some cars.  The military might need to bring order to some cities - in the US and beyond.  I've mentioned before that I can feel the approach of an "event" that will temporarily disrupt the flow of goods & services, and the acknowledgement of alien life would certainly qualify - and scare the hell out of a lot of people. 

But humans are resilient.  No matter what our initial reaction to disclosure might be, we will process it - and things will settle down.     After a few weeks, we'll start a public discussion that asks the tough questions about our history, religions, our governments...annnnnnd the biggie: What was the ET's participation within the human race's development...?   People might not like the answers, but at least they'll be ready to hear them.  And I believe that we're ready right now.

Let's start with those chemtrails -

If it's RAID, then we know that we're being visited by bugs! 

Picture
"Quick! Somebody toss me a can of OFF!"
2 Comments

    Dave's
    Blog
    Archive

    2013 - 2018

    A Gay Man's Life in the Suburbs - and Beyond.

    October 2018
    September 2018
    February 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013

  • Sir Dave's Blog
  • Dave's Blog Archive
  • God's Message to Humanity
  • Book ONE: Goodbye to Beekman Place >
    • GTBP Info Page >
      • GTBP Visual Metaphors
      • GTBP Sample Chapters
      • Beekman's Playlist
  • Book TWO: The Saturday Night Everlasting >
    • TSNE Info Page >
      • TSNE Sample Chapters
      • TSNE Playlist
  • Book THREE: When People Go Away >
    • WPGA Sample Chapters
    • WPGA Playlist
  • Dave's Bio/Contact Info
  • Dave's Retail/Food Service Resume