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Take Off Your Rainbow Shades

2/25/2014

And now for a few words on what's happening in Phoenix.

As stated in my biography, I lived in Phoenix from 1999 to 2006. They were generally happy years with few instances of the depression that had plagued me in Illinois. It was hard to be sad in a place with crystal-blue skies day after day, and months of the sun shining in the sky like a big, glowing ball of Lithium. The valley weather was so goddamn nice, that people actually watched the rain - because it happened so infrequently. Phoenix was the kind of place that would make Wednesday Adams smile. Richard Simmons, too.

I accomplished many things in Arizona. I bought my first house. I found "Olivia," my beloved 1980 Eldorado. I also started writing Goodbye to Beekman Place a few weeks after my sister's partner's suicide. I have good memories of living in the valley, and the only reason I left was because I sensed the housing market's collapse. I sold my place in January, 2006 and literally escaped the financial crisis by two months. Many of my friends lost everything in the recession. I was lucky, and though I had to leave when I did, I fully hope to return someday. Phoenix was beautiful, and extremely gay-friendly when I was there.

She just hasn't found the right man.

That being said, I'm saddened to read about Arizona's SB1062. Denying service based on religious belief is no different than whites discriminating against blacks in the 50s. I won't go into the specifics of why the bill is wrong - I'd just be rehashing stories already in the media. I'm actually disappointed in both sides of the issue: yes, certain cultures are very close-minded, but gays should give them same respect that they (gays) demand for themselves (because, let's face it: we can be pretty intolerant ourselves). A smoker shouldn't intentionally light up in a non-smoker's house...but at the same time, a non-smoker mustn't complain when a smoker lights up in their own home. We all need to respect each other. And seriously, Arizona...you guys gave us Janet Napolitano! Are you really going to deny service to her...?

Finally, this is my fourth blog in a year about homophobia. I'm not a gay activist - far from it. I just want to live my life in peace, especially as I hit 45 in a few weeks. It saddens me that in 2014, I've seen so many instances of blatant gay intolerance: Sochi, Phil Robertson, Cermak in Aurora, and occasionally from neighbors. There are many in this world that I don't like, but rather than lashing out, I found it best to maintain respectful boundaries.

I encourage Arizona to do the same.

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Obsolete Technology

2/24/2014

9 Comments

"Tiny Death Star" is my current favorite waste of time. It's an iPad app aimed at aging Star Wars geeks, and it's designed to resemble the 8 bit video games that we all played on our Atari 2600s.

In Tiny Death Star, the Death Star itself is a expanding shopping mall of retailers, restaurants, services, apartments...and silly little "Imperial" levels. The game has no conflict. There is no way to keep score. Its object is as simple as Sim City: build the biggest thing you possibly can, and make it look as pretty as possible. The graphics are intentionally poor, the sound effects cheesy, and the game itself seems designed to help its player fall asleep on the couch. And I love every warm, fuzzy minute of it.

My house is decorated "Retro Modern" style, and many of its themes incorporate antique electronics. I collect old radios, and my state-of-the-art flat screen sits atop an vintage Zenith with vacuum tubes. A 1958 Grundig Majestic console radio set takes up a nearby wall, and the Merlin and Simon games I keep on my coffee table are from the late 70s/early 80s. I used to think that the Bose Wave Radio in my bedroom was cutting edge, but when I tried to plug my iPod into it, I realized that it doesn't have a USB port. I got the Bose in 1999, which means the device is 15 years old - and back then we were still using Walkmen. My laptop isn't doing any better; the Mac guys call it "vintage." "But I just got the Macbook in 2009, and I've kept its software up to - " I managed to get out before the Genius shook his head and held up his hand. He repeated, more firmly this time:

"Vintage."

The cover story of last week's TIME magazine discussed quantum computers, the next evolution of technology. The article attempted to explain quantum processing with a picture graph that started with a dead cat. Here's the gist:

The cat – a feline in a locked box that is both dead and alive until the box is opened – was a thought experiment devised by physicist Schrödinger to expose the counterintuitive weirdness of quantum theory. The theory posits that an entity can exist simultaneously in any number of states until the point at which it is observed, whereupon it will “collapse” into one state – either purring or deceased in the case of the trapped tabby, which is incarcerated with a poison that either has or has not been released through radioactive decay.

Apparently, this little dead kitty will not only help scientists create cars that drive themselves, but it will also trigger amazing advances in medicine - such as custom drugs, manufactured specifically for our personal DNA. We will literally be moving into the "next generation" of computing, in the same way that rockets moved us from air to space. Quantum computers will allow the kind of world depicted in Star Trek, Almost Human, and Arthur C Clarke's: 3001: The Final Odyssey. Technology will be integrated into every part of life, and I'll be able to play Tiny Death Star anywhere...except for my current iPad of course, which will be as obsolete as an 8 Track.

Having grown up in the 80s - "...The problem's plain to see. Too much technology. Machines to save our lives. Machines dehumanize..." - I experienced quantum computers in TRON, Star Trek spin-offs, and books written by Asimov, Clarke, and James P. Hogan. I remember OMNI magazine, and reading that - sometime in the very near future - computers would be linked by the Internet. I also remember the first round of Apple computers long before the Macintosh (in high school/college computer labs in rural Illinois) and wondering how many floppy discs it would take to pave the information superhighway.

Back then, each new computer advancement seemed no less than absolutely amazing. There was time between each model. Electronics changed as slowly as the bodies of GM cars. But that's sure not the case today as computers design computers that will ultimately design quantum computers. NASA has a quantum computer now as does Google, Apple, and probably China. We're still a good 10 years before Apple launches a Quantum iPad, but I know that day is coming - and I'll see it in my lifetime. The advancements unfolding in the next 20 years will mirror the future that we've seen on Almost Human. We're about to cure disease, leave the planet, and drastically expand our consciousness...all while avoiding Terminators, and hopefully, Cylons too.

Speaking of aliens, has anyone else noticed the similarities between quantum computer designs and crop circles? Chuckling...maybe I'm being a little schizotypal, but I can't help but notice similar patterns in the two: geometric shapes, emanating from a center point. Can you imagine? Quantum mechanics in soy beans? Like the movie Contact, what if aliens have been "nudging" us towards a way to communicate, above and beyond the Earth? Every sci-fi geek in the world envisions a future with the technology needed to explore the cosmos. Such science requires a new generation of computers, and as Art Bell described in his book The Quickening, our world is moving faster and faster towards some type of world-changing "event." What if first contact is that event? And what if quantum computing allows that event to happen?

Whatever the case, I'll be ready and waiting...killing time while the saucers land playing Tiny Death Star on my Quantum iPad.

9 Comments

The Devil in Red City

2/9/2014

2 Comments

Considering that Olympic athletes eat thousands of calories a day, not having pipes wide enough to push the shit through is in itself, an act of terrorism.

When I first started reading journalists' tweets from Sochi, I agreed with the Russians' opinion that we were whining. Americans are spoiled if we expect Holidome luxury within a former Communist country, and everyone knows that much of the plumbing overseas is too small to accommodate both shit and Charmin. Crappy rooms are a given in any city that's booked to capacity, and I doubt that rural Russia has Target Greatlands that stock Martha Stewart accessories. As I mentioned in my recent blog about Dexter, even minimum wage Americans enjoy a standard of living that's straight from HGTV. Americans are spoiled, and I have no problem with that. I like my stuff. And I like the stores where I bought my stuff.

My opinion changed a few days later when tweets became more serious, and Sochi's unpreparedness risked harm to visitors. Manhole covers were missing from public thoroughfares, leaving dangerous holes in the sidewalks. Elevator doors opened directly into empty vertical shafts - a great way to eliminate competition. In one case, hotel employees warned that the (urine-colored) tap water was unsafe to be used on the face: "the water contains something very dangerous." This pattern of failure was more than just missing light bulbs...it's a trend of shoddy, Soviet-style workmanship from the people who gave us ZAZ Zaporozhets...and of course, Chernobyl.

"Don't worry, Olga. The radiation can't get us inside the car!"

I read this morning that a US bobsledder had to kick through his bathroom door because it wouldn't open from the inside. He was naked, trapped, and without a cell phone; he literally had to smash through the door like the Kool-Aid pitcher crashes through walls. Like many athletes, he posted a photo of the door online. People thought the incident was funny, but the bigger picture is that if contractors can't get a bathroom door right, how safe is the actual building? What happens if there's a fire? Will the fire doors open? Will the sprinklers come on? What happens if that dangerous yellow tap water is...flammable?

Yesterday, Russian officials confirmed intentional invasion of privacy throughout the Olympic village, including cameras in bathrooms & showers. With the games being proceeded by terrorism, an increase in security is something to be expected...and that, unfortunately, has a proportionately-negative affect on human rights. And I say "human rights" on purpose; Russia has no qualms with targeting, harassing, and oppressing specific groups of people. Homophobia is the most obvious example, but the country as a whole is trying to capture the machismo of its past - and that's especially noticeable with Putin's intolerance for dissidents. If the world weren't watching so closely, Sochi's critical journalists would meet the same fate as Pussy Riot.

Or even worse, the city's stray dogs..

This is the first year I haven't watched the Winter Olympics...and despite my general dislike of sports, I do enjoy figure skating, bobsledding, stories about the athletes, and the beautiful mountain panoramas surrounding the competition venues (especially on a HD TV). I'm not intentionally "boycotting" the games, but I honestly find it hard to watch the show when the director cares so little for his audience. I feel the same way about Streisand, Sarandon, and Woody Harrelson movies: I can't separate the artist from the art, and if you say bad things about people/things I like, I'm not going to buy your stuff.

I barely remember the Moscow Games of 1980, but I vividly recall the years that followed - Reagan at the wall, the Soviet Union's collapse, and the joy Russians felt in finding personal freedom. I started "paying attention" in the 80s, and I credit Rush Limbaugh (I found his show the year that Clinton got elected) for making me understand world events in the 90s. Now, I'm a news junkie. I read Drudge, Fox, CNN, the BBC, The Huffington Post, and Pravda; Pravda is a guilty pleasure because its stories are so sensational.

But even Pravda acknowledges the logistic challenges of staging world-class games, and some of their explanations for Sochi's unfinished projects remind me (humorously) of North Korea's struggle to build Kim's ski resort. In the end - yes, it's ultimately about the games, themselves...but the whole world is watching, and taking careful note. It's hard to hide from modern social media.

I really do hope that the games are a success. I hope there's no terrorism, no athletes injured by Sochi's last-minute construction shortcuts, and I hope no gays are beaten & bloodied because they don't fit in with an antiquated search for Downton Abbey values.

More than anything, I hope that Russia isn't taking a big step backward. The world is a dangerous place, and the last thing we need is a shirtless guy on a horse yelling "CHARGE!" The Olympics encompass the best of the best competing in unity on a worldwide stage, but the world is interconnected now...and as Snowden revealed, we can't hide anything...not even true intentions.

Feed the dogs, Mother Russia.

2 Comments

Lady Mary in a Voodoo Shop

2/3/2014

2 Comments

"Lady Mary...might I ask why Kathy Bates has slaughtered a negro in the drawing room? And (cough, cough) while we're on the subject, may I also inquire as to why Branson is driving The Munsters car, why has Matthew risen from the grave, and why is Mrs. Patmore spitting into the policeman's tea instead of showing him where Bates is hiding?

"And finally - for the love of the Edwardian housing market - WHAT is Lady Edith doing in a rubber mask, a skin-tight bondage suit, and stilettos with revolvers for heels? And why has she locked Daisy in that closet with all the mirrors? It's just...unseemly."

Ladies and gentlemen, you have been watching, "American Horror Story: Abbey."

So, another season of American Horror Story has ended - and like so many fans, I can't wait to see where the series goes next. I've read the "circus" rumors, and I know that Jessica Lange intends for Season 4 to be her last. It's no secret that Lange is taking German lessons (she wants to play a Marlena Detrich character), and many seem to think AHS4 will involve NAZIs. Whatever the case, Coven was a solid show, and just like Mad Men, I'm anxiously awaiting the series' return. I'm also thinking about what Season Five might be like - without Jessica Lange - a tough act to follow.

With that in mind, might I suggest a few other possibilities:

1. AMERICAN HORROR STORY: JERSEY

Angela Bassett reprises her Coven role as Marie Laveau, only this time she owns a hair & nail salon for oversexed housewives and entitled 20somethings on the Jersey Shore. But bad juju is a-brewing when a hurricane slams the coast, the 666 Park Avenue set is destroyed, and the entire AHSJ cast is trapped in a boardwalk hostel because the Governor has closed the bridge. Muscles may look sexy on the beach, but they're extremely tough to swallow when you're faced with cannibalism. Watch for guest appearances by Arnold Schwarzenegger, David Hasselhoff, and the crew of the Edmund Fitzgerald.

2. AMERICAN HORROR STORY: CARNIVAL

NOT to be confused with "Carnivale" or "Circus" rumors, this dark early-80s period piece features Kathy Lee Gifford as a demonic cruise director, Richard Simmons as a sadistic aerobics teacher, JJ Walker as murderous shuffleboard player, and Betty White as herself. The Bermuda Triangle can't hold a candle to this titanic of intertwined backstories, when murder is served as cold as the midnight buffet's salmon puffs. Love may be exciting and new, but it quickly turns to terror when this "ghost ship" misses the iceberg - but a hits a perfect storm of cliches. Watch for a cameo by Gavin Macleod.

3. AMERICAN IDOL HORROR STORY

Kathy Bates returns to AHS, only this time as a "Susan Boyle" character - but with a very, very dark secret. Her siren song may wow viewers at first, but as her YouTube hits climb into the heavens, a sinkhole opens into the fiery pits of hell. It's Glee-meets-Left Behind, as hearts are tugged - and ripped from their chest cavities, and Justin Bieber's arrest reveals a not only a stomach full of Sizzurp, but belly packed with unadulterated evil. Watch as Satan's unholy armies battle for our souls through the voice of a frumpy, middle aged woman - and a Simon Cowell character played by Joan Rivers. Guest stars include PSY, One Direction, Jane Lynch, Sam & Dean Winchester, and The Robot Devil.

"What does the fox say? ... APOCALYPSE!"

I also considered additional scenarios - American Rocky Horror Story, American Gigolo Horror Story, Love American Horror Story Style, and my personal favorite: American Horror Story: LEGO.

I'm also not opposed to a Robot Chicken episode.

2 Comments

Take Off Your Rainbow Shades

Obsolete Technology

The Devil in Red City

Lady Mary in a Voodoo Shop

Dave'sBlogArchive2013 - 2018A Gay Man's Life in the Suburbs - and Beyond.

Dave's
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A Gay Man's Life in the Suburbs - and Beyond.