I finally saw THE FORCE AWAKENS, and I have issues.
Here are the top ten:
Here are the top ten:
- 1. Was that new Darth Vader dude *trying* to sound like Frank the Bunny from Donny Darko?
- 2. Are you really telling me that NO ONE in the Empire/Rebellion could figure out the rest of Luke Skywalker's map? That's like having a map of Europe, but not knowing what the big Germany-shaped hole is.
- 3. Yeah, it was sad when Han Solo kicked...but not nearly as tragic as Larry Hagman's death.
- 4. Having read all Michio Kaku's books, the speed of light really isn't that fast...so, what's the big deal about The Millennium Falcon? Did its manufacturer only make X number of models with that particular shade of bong water interior? Did it come with Highway Hi-Fi?
- 5. Poe Dameron reminded me of a sweathog.
- 6. Carrie Fisher reminded me of a Vagina Monologue.
- 7. Annnnnd, how much did Mark Hamill get paid for this film?
- 8. Id have thought Chewbacca would have more grey hair.
- 9. So, you're telling me that NO ONE in the Republic noticed the great big, planet-sized cannon pointed their direction? No one posted an Instagram comment, an intergalactic FaceBook post...or sent a droid with a scratchy hologram? Are the First Order Zindi?
- 10. Speaking of the First Order, their NAZI rally would have made Walt proud..
The Address Hotel, Dec 31, 2015 On the subject of sci-fi NAZIs, I came downstairs in the wee hours this morning to find my roommate in a cloud of cigarette smoke, Skyping some dude in Berlin. As many of you know, Radar (my roommate) is a 47-year-old goth who keeps the Internet running...and his jet-black hair, tendency towards severe clothing, and fluent German diction made him look like an SS officer, displaced in time. "If Hitler had a MacBook," I thought, grabbing a glass of water before returning to bed.
It's amazing at how small the world has become, and how technology has allowed us to grow interconnected. We literally have a Star Wars communication system in our lives right now, and our devices & Internet allow instant action to every information. I was thinking about this a few hours ago, while watching live coverage of the burning Address Hotel in Dubai. The news channel's primary footage wasn't from a camera or hovering helicopter rather, it was coming from a MacBook on a neighboring balcony, where a reporter happened to be staying a few buildings away - Skyping. Here I was, sitting in my living room in the chilly Midwest, watching a raging fire that was happening that very moment, in a desert on the other side of the world. The video was so crisp, you could almost feel heat radiating from the TV - and not just from the fire, but from the desert...and later, the Burj Khalifa celebration. A million people were celebrating New Years Eve, while a 60 story hotel burned to the ground just behind them. It was...surreal.
It's amazing at how small the world has become, and how technology has allowed us to grow interconnected. We literally have a Star Wars communication system in our lives right now, and our devices & Internet allow instant action to every information. I was thinking about this a few hours ago, while watching live coverage of the burning Address Hotel in Dubai. The news channel's primary footage wasn't from a camera or hovering helicopter rather, it was coming from a MacBook on a neighboring balcony, where a reporter happened to be staying a few buildings away - Skyping. Here I was, sitting in my living room in the chilly Midwest, watching a raging fire that was happening that very moment, in a desert on the other side of the world. The video was so crisp, you could almost feel heat radiating from the TV - and not just from the fire, but from the desert...and later, the Burj Khalifa celebration. A million people were celebrating New Years Eve, while a 60 story hotel burned to the ground just behind them. It was...surreal.
 The foreground smoke is from the Address hotel fire, just across the plaza. |  You can't see them in this picture, but 100,000 people are gathered below the Burj Khalifa. |
Actually, the whole world felt surreal in 2015. From creeps like Cosby & Jarod Fogle (and apparently Mark Salling, as of today) to the brutal images of the Paris attacks (or the Chicago police officer who shot that kid 16 times) it's frightening how desensitized we've become to violence, sexual predators, and other occurrences that would have scared the hell out of us just a few years ago. Life has grown as convoluted as the 1985 film Brazil, and the only way that most find joy is to limit our focus to immediate lives, friends, and family. And I must say, there's nothing wrong with that; our close relationships should take priority. But as reality encroaches, ignoring events that seem far away has become unrealistic - and dangerous - isolationism. Those videos that we watch on TV are closer than we realize. A lot closer.
Instant communication shows that we're at an turning point in history, a time where social growth has fallen behind technology. The world is fast dividing into the "change" camp and the "keep things the way they are" camp. Militant Islam has learned to use social media to rally its followers hundreds of years into the past. China & Russia are fighting to return to regional glories from last century...but with next-gen weapons systems that will deliver their intentions world wide. North Korea's poking the South. Iran's poking the Israelis. Trump's poking Hillary. Madonna's poking Lady Gaga. And though the US is pretending to be engaged, our approach is so soft, it's silly - allowing dangers to grow. I'm trying not to sound like a vague political blogger here, but watching New Years in Dubai really gave me a chill. It's only a matter of time before some idiot with a nuke does something stupid. And it's just as likely to be a dude in a dorm as it is an Muslim in a Mosque, with both manifestos smelling like feet, incense, and gunpowder.
Instant communication shows that we're at an turning point in history, a time where social growth has fallen behind technology. The world is fast dividing into the "change" camp and the "keep things the way they are" camp. Militant Islam has learned to use social media to rally its followers hundreds of years into the past. China & Russia are fighting to return to regional glories from last century...but with next-gen weapons systems that will deliver their intentions world wide. North Korea's poking the South. Iran's poking the Israelis. Trump's poking Hillary. Madonna's poking Lady Gaga. And though the US is pretending to be engaged, our approach is so soft, it's silly - allowing dangers to grow. I'm trying not to sound like a vague political blogger here, but watching New Years in Dubai really gave me a chill. It's only a matter of time before some idiot with a nuke does something stupid. And it's just as likely to be a dude in a dorm as it is an Muslim in a Mosque, with both manifestos smelling like feet, incense, and gunpowder.
It's funny when you think about the big picture. What's happening with our upcoming presidential elections mirrors the excitement behind The Force Awakens, and the return of old friends & foes. The Big Bang Theory nailed it: Star Wars fans don't mix well with Star Trek fans, and the two franchises are as different as liberals and conservatives. Trekkies are the liberals, envisioning a future of unity and peaceful galactic exploration. Star Wars fans prefer a militaristic future, full of espionage & explosions...with entire planets getting destroyed, while warring races learn to get along with each other. Both scenarios are fun to watch in IMAX-3D, but what are we really watching? A fictional story with Dubai-like fireworks, or the instinctive aggression we hide in their hearts? I've always found Star Wars' conflict-focused stories to be repetitive, but you've got to admit that the reason Star Trek fizzled was because its plots had lost their teeth. When humans confront an enemy, we want to defeat them in First Order battle - not Federation diplomacy. In the conservative/liberal Star Wars/Star Trek approach, the Star Wars ideology is clearly the box office winner. Chuckling...and for all you folks who get bent out of shape when Trump talks about building walls, I politely remind you that the The Force Awakens' universe is conservative...and Obama's/Hillary's leading-from-behind approach is as weak as the first two seasons of The Next Generation. Are you reaaaally ready for another clean-shaven Riker? Or a shrill Doctor Pulaski, telling us what's best for us?
Anyway, as New Years Eve approaches, I shall close my own MacBook and enjoy the festivities being broadcast live from across the world. As of this moment, there are no burning buildings in Aurora, and I'll probably watch Ted for awhile, flipping over to the NYE parties during commercial breaks.
I'll spare you all the usual fuzzy New Years wishes, in leu of just saying it's been an interesting year - and I'm sure 2016 is going to be intense. I hope that Jarod Fogle gets a nice cell mate, that Craig Strickland learned his lesson from Shain Gandee's behavior, that Disney formally endorses a presidential candidate, and that someone turns ISIS into a puddle of radioactive goo before they take out the Olive Garden.
See you next year.
I'll spare you all the usual fuzzy New Years wishes, in leu of just saying it's been an interesting year - and I'm sure 2016 is going to be intense. I hope that Jarod Fogle gets a nice cell mate, that Craig Strickland learned his lesson from Shain Gandee's behavior, that Disney formally endorses a presidential candidate, and that someone turns ISIS into a puddle of radioactive goo before they take out the Olive Garden.
See you next year.