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The following Facebook status updates were never used :(
They were either too dirty, too racial, too offensive to the workplace, too gross…or in most cases, just too damn funny. Viewer discretion is advised. (NOTE: I always write my Facebook posts in third person.)
1. DAVID ALAN DEDIN, despite being one of three compulsively-clean gay men living in the same house, is always amazed at how dirty the bathroom gets. "We may be gay men," David thinks - while bleaching the urine on the wall by the toilet, "but when it comes to aim, we're still just men."
2. DAVID ALAN DEDIN until just this morning, considered himself to be a gay man who still had a shred of dignity. But all of that changed when on waking today he realized that sometime during the night, all of his watches got ruined by a spilled bottle of lube.
3. DAVID ALAN DEDIN while watching the neighborhood's pregnant teenagers flick cigarette butts into his yard, often wishes that machine guns were easier to come by.
4. DAVID ALAN DEDIN hates those explosive/liquid morning dumps that happen the morning after drinking a whole bottle of whiskey all by himself.
5. DAVID ALAN DEDIN knows that racial profiling is wrong, but you've got to admit that all "******S" inventory counters fit a certain...err, "white male stereotype."
6. DAVID ALAN DEDIN chuckled at the big-breasted woman whose enormous tits looked exactly like two watermelons in a downhill race - and one of them was winning.
7. DAVID ALAN DEDIN loves the fact that he can watch porn on his iPad in any room in the house.
They were either too dirty, too racial, too offensive to the workplace, too gross…or in most cases, just too damn funny. Viewer discretion is advised. (NOTE: I always write my Facebook posts in third person.)
1. DAVID ALAN DEDIN, despite being one of three compulsively-clean gay men living in the same house, is always amazed at how dirty the bathroom gets. "We may be gay men," David thinks - while bleaching the urine on the wall by the toilet, "but when it comes to aim, we're still just men."
2. DAVID ALAN DEDIN until just this morning, considered himself to be a gay man who still had a shred of dignity. But all of that changed when on waking today he realized that sometime during the night, all of his watches got ruined by a spilled bottle of lube.
3. DAVID ALAN DEDIN while watching the neighborhood's pregnant teenagers flick cigarette butts into his yard, often wishes that machine guns were easier to come by.
4. DAVID ALAN DEDIN hates those explosive/liquid morning dumps that happen the morning after drinking a whole bottle of whiskey all by himself.
5. DAVID ALAN DEDIN knows that racial profiling is wrong, but you've got to admit that all "******S" inventory counters fit a certain...err, "white male stereotype."
6. DAVID ALAN DEDIN chuckled at the big-breasted woman whose enormous tits looked exactly like two watermelons in a downhill race - and one of them was winning.
7. DAVID ALAN DEDIN loves the fact that he can watch porn on his iPad in any room in the house.