I hate it when human debris wins a massive Lotto payout with a ticket they bought at the liquor store.
Even worse, I hate it when they win with a ticket they don't even remember buying...because (ahem) it wasn't their first beer & cigarette run that day. I hate it when a jackpot follows the news announcing an unclaimed ticket. Reporters swarm the place where the quick-pick was purchased, and its always some nasty dive - a hole with a window full of beer neon and iron bars - with a dirty sidewalk that clearly smells like pee. "WHO is the lucky ticket buyer?" the reporters ask. And WHEN will they sober up to notice that it's THEIR liquor store on TV?
"I'll never have to work again!" the winners always cry a week or so later, on realizing their good fortune. Inevitably, these people throw themselves at the camera, screaming at the viewing audience like an episode of COPS.
"I'm sorry," I always say to the TV -
"Exactly where do you work, again? One can't help but notice that you were buying whiskey at 1:30pm on a Tuesday. Who's kids are those, waiting in the car for you…and isn't today a school day?"
I don't mean to bitch, and it's certainly not my intention to insult the thousands of good people who've won a jackpot over the years. To be completely honest, I envy every single winner. But I really wish people would handle themselves with humility when they finally come forward to claim their winnings. Claim the ticket anonymously…but if you MUST go on camera, have the decency to wear a clean shirt - and avoid celebrating until AFTER the news conference.
Don't make me hate you.
Even worse, I hate it when they win with a ticket they don't even remember buying...because (ahem) it wasn't their first beer & cigarette run that day. I hate it when a jackpot follows the news announcing an unclaimed ticket. Reporters swarm the place where the quick-pick was purchased, and its always some nasty dive - a hole with a window full of beer neon and iron bars - with a dirty sidewalk that clearly smells like pee. "WHO is the lucky ticket buyer?" the reporters ask. And WHEN will they sober up to notice that it's THEIR liquor store on TV?
"I'll never have to work again!" the winners always cry a week or so later, on realizing their good fortune. Inevitably, these people throw themselves at the camera, screaming at the viewing audience like an episode of COPS.
"I'm sorry," I always say to the TV -
"Exactly where do you work, again? One can't help but notice that you were buying whiskey at 1:30pm on a Tuesday. Who's kids are those, waiting in the car for you…and isn't today a school day?"
I don't mean to bitch, and it's certainly not my intention to insult the thousands of good people who've won a jackpot over the years. To be completely honest, I envy every single winner. But I really wish people would handle themselves with humility when they finally come forward to claim their winnings. Claim the ticket anonymously…but if you MUST go on camera, have the decency to wear a clean shirt - and avoid celebrating until AFTER the news conference.
Don't make me hate you.