Last December, I brought a can of White Chocolate Peppermint Pringles. It was one of three holiday-themed Pringles flavors, and was available only for the Christmas season. Wal Mart had a display of the chips, alongside the Chia Pets and holly-scented air fresheners. And as White Chocolate-dipped Oreos are one of my favorite things in the world, I figured these holiday Pringles would be the same.
But I was wrong.
So very, very wrong...
Had Pringles stopped with just the "white chocolate," I think the product might have been palatable (sweet & salty, like popcorn & M&Ms). But the chemists added peppermint - and I say "chemists" on purpose because the peppermint flavor was as artificial as saccharine - and the peppermint-essence made the chip taste like a mouthful of bug spray.
Biting into a White Chocolate Peppermint Pringle was like biting your nails while wearing that polish that's meant to stop you from biting your nails. The chip was bitter & metallic-tasting...and as I passed the can around to those at work, watching people's reactions the moment their taste buds registered its flavor, it was like watching someone view TWO GIRLS AND A CUP for the very first time.
But I was wrong.
So very, very wrong...
Had Pringles stopped with just the "white chocolate," I think the product might have been palatable (sweet & salty, like popcorn & M&Ms). But the chemists added peppermint - and I say "chemists" on purpose because the peppermint flavor was as artificial as saccharine - and the peppermint-essence made the chip taste like a mouthful of bug spray.
Biting into a White Chocolate Peppermint Pringle was like biting your nails while wearing that polish that's meant to stop you from biting your nails. The chip was bitter & metallic-tasting...and as I passed the can around to those at work, watching people's reactions the moment their taste buds registered its flavor, it was like watching someone view TWO GIRLS AND A CUP for the very first time.
 |  |  |  |
I've often wondered what kind of idiots dream up such bizarre flavors. I imagine they're the same people who think that bubble gum belongs in ice cream, and macaroni & cheese should always be the color of a roadside construction cone. But even crap like WCP Pringles can't compare to the gross concoctions often created by beverage manufacturers. From Mexican fruit drinks with those little white coconut egg sacs floating in them to bottled matcha smoothies that are literally made of grass, the drink-business takes farrrrrrr more liberties than food...and sadly, that now includes sports drinks.
"Lime/Cucumber" Gatorade is the latest beverage-flavor-experement-gone-bad, and that's sad because I really do like the brand (especially the original lemon-lime).
Like "Crush" soda learned the hard way, it's best not to stray too far from your core team of flavors: orange, strawberry, grape, and in Gatorade's case, lemon-lime. As the years/decades go by, I totally understand the importance of keeping a brand "current" - and that fresh packaging only goes so far. It makes perfect sense for an established product to want to expand its flavor line, and if you're a fruit-drink, once you've exhausted your "core team" possibilities, it's only natural that you explore other fruit flavors…like kiwi, melon, berry, and even pomegranate.
But vegetables cross the line in a sports drink…and their presence is just wrong.
Cucumbers have no business in drinks at all - except to garnish a Bloody Mary.
Again, like White Chocolate Peppermint Pringles, when I saw the display of Lime/Cucumber Gatorade, I was taken by its merchandising. Its packaging was fresh, and its color looked refreshing. And of course the flavor had "lime" in its description, which reminded me of original Gatorade - a beverage I've enjoyed for 30+ years. So, I gave it a try. I figured, "How bad could it be?" I bought a couple bottles, threw them in the fridge when I got home…and later - much later - when I was genuinely thirsty, I opened the lid and drank directly from the bottle -
- and as I ran to the sink, I couldn't spit it out fast enough.
Like "Crush" soda learned the hard way, it's best not to stray too far from your core team of flavors: orange, strawberry, grape, and in Gatorade's case, lemon-lime. As the years/decades go by, I totally understand the importance of keeping a brand "current" - and that fresh packaging only goes so far. It makes perfect sense for an established product to want to expand its flavor line, and if you're a fruit-drink, once you've exhausted your "core team" possibilities, it's only natural that you explore other fruit flavors…like kiwi, melon, berry, and even pomegranate.
But vegetables cross the line in a sports drink…and their presence is just wrong.
Cucumbers have no business in drinks at all - except to garnish a Bloody Mary.
Again, like White Chocolate Peppermint Pringles, when I saw the display of Lime/Cucumber Gatorade, I was taken by its merchandising. Its packaging was fresh, and its color looked refreshing. And of course the flavor had "lime" in its description, which reminded me of original Gatorade - a beverage I've enjoyed for 30+ years. So, I gave it a try. I figured, "How bad could it be?" I bought a couple bottles, threw them in the fridge when I got home…and later - much later - when I was genuinely thirsty, I opened the lid and drank directly from the bottle -
- and as I ran to the sink, I couldn't spit it out fast enough.
When will we learn that when it comes to our favorite beverage brands, it's wrong to play God…?